Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
