That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
