i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
