We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
