Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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