go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
