Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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