I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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