guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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