FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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