I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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