So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
