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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
50% drunk capacity currently
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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