i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize