I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
