She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
