I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
