Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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