would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
