allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
