my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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