im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
