I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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