Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
