I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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