Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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