overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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