It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
