One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
