How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
