her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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