I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
