I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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