This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
