is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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