You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
