Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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