If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
