Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize