I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
