You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
