I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
