guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
