You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
