Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
