I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
