I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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