i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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