For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
