We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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