Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I party with great urgency now.
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