I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
