This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
