I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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