Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
