everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
