White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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