on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
