that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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