Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize