Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
