you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
