It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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