I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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