if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
