Kiss
Puke
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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