I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
