hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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