covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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