The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
