We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
