I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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