when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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