god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
