oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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