what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
